Brother in arms

2-9-07

Brother in arms

I guess I've always wanted a brother. What guy doesn't? Someone who always has your back, someone to get into trouble with, someone to keep you tough. For those of us born without, we search for one in terms of friends, brothers from different mothers. I once was fooled into believing I had one, but it turns out they won't stand up for you, they won't fight along side you, and they won't tell you straight up. That's when you know they're phony. I don't have a brother, I only have myself. It can lead to one logical conclusion, creation.

He's been with me for a long while now. He's even allowed to express himself occasionally, but mostly he's a shut-in. Sometimes I view him as a burden, a waste of energy. Other times I think of him as a weapon I should keep honed in case of an emergency. That's why I have this lust for rightful revenge - my fantasy. Use only for right, for justice - part of my ethics I guess. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, some repress completely and others let it take over and become unjust. But mine lurks beneath the surface, waiting, sometimes patiently, sometimes not. There will be a day when he is ripped from my side, my brother in arms, and we will stand as one- be seen as one. To some it may come as a surprise, but to me... it's been a long time coming. My facade has been groomed by those that surround me - those scared of confrontation, those who do anything to avoid it. Yet at my core I can't help but feel that I am drawn to it. My whole life has been one of trying to break out of a shell; to let who I am be revealed. But these masks that I am asked to wear, to cover up what I really feel, to shush what I really want to say, to restrain my hands from destruction, can only be worn so long. I am a cell of combustible energy waiting to be punctured. Something has to give. I thought I had a brother, and it turns out that I do, we are merely one being. And he is pissed that I have not confided in him - and he is understood.